Others' opinions of me - granted my behavior can influence these opinions... We cannot please everyone. In the case of my ex - and how he views me - well, out of my control. I am a good mom. I do all I can. Granted, I am not perfect. His judgements of me are based off of emotions of his own, that I cannot control. So why am I so sensitive to his judgements? God validates me daily, and at the same time pulls my heart into improvement in being a better person and better mom. So trust God's judgement of you... Not anyone else's.
My past - I am a single mom of 2. Coming from an abusive and addiction riddled relationship, well I could live my life as a "victim". But I won't. Now, granted, a few prospective relationships have ended bc I have kids, or a crazy ex, well... That's a part of me. But, I will not allow those previous hardships to determine my future behavior. Rather, I hope to use these life lessons to help other women. I may always be single. I may never meet a man who is strong enough to deal with/support me emotionally and bring me closer to God, as I long for. What does that matter? I have God. The ultimate love. The ultimate acceptance. So what is in His plan is in my favor, and I trust Him.
My kids - because they are NOT my past. They are my forever. If a man cannot accept them, it's goodbye. If I feel I don't like the way they would be handled by him, it's goodbye as well. I probably won't be able to put anything before them and their importance. I know God chose me to be their mom for a reason.
My independence - yes this can be an uncontrollable issue. But, Ladies, don't ever become dependent. You have to only rely on God and the gifts He gives you. So many other things fail us in this world. People, jobs, living conditions, money and love. But He doesn't fail us. I can look back on my past and see His glory and grace written in my story. I encourage you to do so as well, and write it down! When you feel lost, lonely, overwhelmed or impatient, look at this list! This list is what keeps me going. His word in the bible gives us promises as well. But nothing trumps being able to clearly relate it to your life, right now. So find a bible study on His promises, and start relating it to your present. The relationship is already there.
So what can you control?
Your behavior. No matter how emotional you get, your behavioral control is of utmost importance, as you have children watching and learning. You set the example. So when I get overwhelmed, sad or angry, my kids see me praying. I go straight for prayer before any other reaction. This is all He calls us to do.
Your finances - let's be frank...as a society we have been so lax and risky. But you, as a single mom, cannot afford this "luxury", if you'd call it that. If you're like me, child support covers maybe 1/4 of living expenses. Children are EXPENSIVE!!! And, oh, how our exes will forget this and how much kids cost daily, but you will learn. So, pray for a better job, or whatever. But work with the blessings God gives right you now, and be smart about it, because He also gives you the wisdom to know better.
Your strength - well it's not really yours. It's God's, but wow, does he give that to you so freely. Rest in His arms in prayer. Draw from Him when you're overwhelmed. Cry or rejoice in His presence. We are called to pray without ceasing. And if you do this, at all times, all through your day, watch how he changes you! You only have to give that to Him. That which He deserves, our undivided attention. That will bring you to a more centered and prosperous era of your life.
I am learning daily. Let me tell you ladies what I am facing - a severe custody battle. I've had CPS and cops, I've had heart splitting insults, I've had heartbreak and disappointment and drama out the you know what, antidepressant withdrawals, lack of money, a car repossessed, child issues like dyslexia and Aspergers Disorder with my kids, legal fees like crazy and just plain pain physically. But I feel so empowered to be able to remain steadfast in my faith through it all. Drawing my lines of control, and fully having faith that God will take all evil and turn it to good... That's what keeps me capable of smiling.
The devil attacks us the most when we are on the right path. And he comes in so many forms. But God is the healer of all.
So write down your issues. Write what you can control and pray for wisdom to discern that. God will take your hand and lead you in the right direction.
