At a loss for words

I go through separate periods in life where I just feel lost. Today I talked to a friend about my wish to just run away, start over and erase my issues with my now. As I try to place my finger on what it is that bothers me now, it's so hard to do. There isn't really one large incident that has caused this affliction, rather many small ones that I've let build up. 

Times like these, I force myself to focus on how I am blessed rather than stressed. 

I have my kids back! I was so happy to pick them up from the one month separation. Coming home without them made me feel purposeless. But, as I've been a sole caregiver for so long, it's easy to see how I would feel so lost without them. 

I finally was able to get my own vehicle! 9 months after having my car repoed. And that was only through patience God gave me. 

My church is starting a single parents fellowship! This has been a desperate need of mine, I need fellowship in this area, and now it is coming! 

I have no real complaints in life. So why do I feel so down? 

I am a firm believer that this feeling of melancholy and depression is the devil playing in my mind. I feel sad for a lost relationship, which really is not a life changing event for me. I feel stressed at work and under appreciated. I fear the next "storm" to come with my ex. The feeling that I have no friends or support... These are all fears placed in my mind by the devil that shake my faith. 

So over the past week I've deliberately written down my blessings. This has so greatly helped me to prevent these small complaints from settling on my heart. 

Instead of preparing myself for a battle, I try to rest on God's peace. He has guided me through much pain and trauma, and nothing will ever shake Gods might or determination. 

It's been a long, difficult road to wander as a single mom. I worry that I am destined to be single forever. It takes a unique man to deal with me, my past, my ex, and my stubborn and independent ways. As God is changing my heart, I've come to know that His will trumps my ways. Granted I get lonely and weary, He fulfills both of these weaknesses! 

I hope that other single moms come to find God's love and grace as filling as I have sought to. It's not always easy to do, because we live in a world of fleeting things, and the enemy seeks to remind us of this. But, through much trial and error and heartbreaks and disappointments, trust Him.

Nothing will ever be as satisfying as God.