Encouraging Truth and Trust

In regards to my recent issues with CPS, I most recently had the police show up at my house for a "health and welfare" check at 9 pm Friday night. My children were already in bed asleep. I cannot explain how they even felt waking up to see cops standing over their beds. 

I got an email the next day from my ex-mother in law, admitting that CPS and the police visit were her doing. She claimed she was worried because my brother-in-law had "questionable" Facebook posts... On and on and on, excuse after excuse. On a side note, CPS is not investigating anymore. The cops came, talked to me as I cried and comforted me, and left. 

Let me just say, this lady chose to not be a part of my kids lives for the past 10 months, she claimed that I was talking bad about her in front of them. 

Recently my ex and his mom made amends. I can only assume this is just in relation to that and a way to yet again hurt me. 

And it does hurt. Here is the lady who I, for 6 years, called upon frequently when the drinking and abuse were too much to handle alone. She knew of it all. And she cut all ties with me once the divorce started. Over little tiffs and scratches and pride and prejudice. 

What hurts more is seeing my kids pain. I listen to my daughter cry about these things with not seeing them. And she recently got to visit with her, and my daughter came back to me calling me a liar and all sorts I things that were distorted after that visit.

I have never been fully frank and honest with my kids about the divorce or the broken relationships. So I am, in a way, a liar. I've spent years covering up the mess of our lives that I even do so with my kids to this day. So I had to sit her down and be frank. I told her all. She had already pieces of the puzzle in her head, seeing daddy passed out, the abuse, the harsh words after the abuse from my ex mother in law, etc. 

Now I find myself angry that I had to do this. Had CPS and the cops not came again, disrupted our peace, I coul have potentially kept my kids in their "bubble". But God works in strange ways to show us where we need to change.

We want to protect our kids from so much. It's impossible though. Just impossible, and that's where I have had to start studying on relying on God to protect them where I just can't. 

I feel so weak in that I can't do it all. I can't live another day though having my daughter come back from her dads and dealing with all the behavioral problems she gets there. It was brought to my attention that she is struggling to put together who to trust, who to believe, who to look up to. 

Granted I am not perfect. I've humbled myself to this and am seeking transformation through Jesus. But I don't believe I do anything that constitutes an unfair and unnecessary visit from CPS and police, at all. And the fact that I know bitterness is the motivation behind this, I've had to bring this to my kids attention. Lord knows I don't want to be the mom that talks bad about the child's father to them. But it is lying if you cover up the deeds. And I do myself no favor, nor get any respect from my kids, if I continue to absorb the blame in it. 

So I prayed that my words were truthful and necessary for her to hear. She's only 7. 

Ladies, if you live in this environment, I think it's important that you stop absorbing the blame. This does nothing to enable you to be a better parent. We all pray for the day that God intervenes. And He will. But in the meantime, do not lie to your child. Encourage your child to love the other, however let them know what is unacceptable behavior. Children model their parents, and if something is wrong, just deep down, soul shaking wrong, speak on it. Silence is a lie as well.